Subject: APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

 

My Daughter's Name: ________________________

Note: This application will be considered incomplete and will be summarily rejected unless accompanied by a current financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your physician.

1. What is your name, age, social security number, IQ and Boy Scout rank?

____________________________________________

2. Do you have one male and one female parent? ____ If "No", explain:

3. Do you own or have access to a van? ____

4. A truck with oversize tires? ____

5. With a waterbed? ____

If you have answered YES to #3, #4 or #5, stop now and leave immediately.

6. Do you have a nose ring, belly button ring, or any piercing other than for an ear ring? ____

7. Do you have any tattoo? ____

8. In fifty words or less, what does LATE mean to you?

 

9. In fifty words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?

 

10. In fifty words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?

 

11. In fifty words or less, what does REAL PAIN mean to you?

 

12. Church/Temple you attend: ____________________________

13. How often do you attend?: _Daily: _____; Weekly: ___;
Monthly: ___; Yearly: ___

14. When would be the best time to interview your mother: _____: your father: _____; and your priest/rabbi: _____?

15. Please fill in the blanks:

If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be my _______________;

If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be in my _______________;

A woman's place is in the _________________;

The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is ____________________________;

When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her first is __________________;
(Note: If answer to last question begins with "T" or "A", stop and and leave premises - keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion.)

What do you want to be IF you grow up?____________________________.

I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, torture or mental abuse.

Signature of applicant _________________________________

Signature of his father _________________________________

Signature of his mother ________________________________

Signature of his priest/rabbi _____________________________

Signature of State Representative _________________________

Final Note:

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don't call me; I'll call you.

Name of Daughter's Father: _____________________________

His Pistol Permit Number: # ______________________

His Shotgun's Guage: 410 ( ); 20 ( ); 12 ( ); 10 ( ):

Single Barrel: ( ); Double barrel ( ).

 

 

 

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